My Testimony

Before I was saved no one ever told me about Jesus, sin, salvation or being born again. But I was searching for God. “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament showeth His handiwork.” Ps.19:1
Nature spoke to me of the existence of a God who is real, true, and powerful, compared to the Hindu gods I prayed to. I said to myself: there is a God who made all this, and He is the one and only and living God, and we are meant to know Him, and I shall know Him before I die (meaning if it takes me all my life).
My search lasted seven years ( it seems God deals with me in seasons of seven years), during which time I wrote poems about God’s creation – sun, moon, stars, birds, trees, flowers, rivers etc. and praised Him in His creation and at the same time longing to know Him.
It is God who takes the initiative towards us, causing us to seek Him, until we find Him; but we must do the seeking; that is our part. “Ye shall seek Me and shall find Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart.”
Looking back now, my mother and grandmother were silent evangelists in their own way. As a child I used to sit on my grandmother’s rocking chair and gaze upon a picture of the sacred heart of Jesus hanging above the front door. When I was older I started praying to Hindu gods which my paternal grandmother prayed to, but I felt there was a barrier, a wall I couldn’t get around or over. I felt I could not get through to these gods. (no wonder!; they are only pictures and idols, and any devotion and feelings are only a figment of our imagination.
Man was made to worship God, and until we come to know the one true God through Jesus Christ (who said-I am the door; no man cometh to the Father but by Me.”) we go off in different directions to worship an unknown God, and everyone of them wrong. I am God; there is no other saviour beside Me.
I remember reading the Psalms in the bible, although no one had told me to do this. I felt David knew the God he was talking to, and I wanted to know God that way. I was also surprised at the way he wished
evil on his enemies; at least that’s the impression I got at the time.
I also read The Bhagavatgita (wrong spelling maybe!) by Rabindranath Tagore, who, like David, talked to the “lord” whom he seemed to know. And I wanted to know God like that. Now I know this was definitely “lord” he was talking about and not the “Lord of lords”.
There was an unrest and inner turmoil although at the same time I was praising God in nature in my poems. I also wrote lines such as- “dry and thirsty in a desert”, while I courted death in other poems, writing words such as - “…sweet sleep, servant of sweeter death…” .
My mother’s evangelistic contribution was a Christian book she gave to me, written by an American evangelist. After reading it I wrote to him saying that when I pray I feel I can’t get through; it’s like a wall in front of me.(This is scriptural, I see now-“Your sins have separated you from your God.” ) He must have prayed for me because within three weeks I was saved. I was lying on my bed looking up, still gazing at the sacred heart I had made with card board, covered it with sea shells and
painted red with oil paint from school. Suddenly I “heard”
the words within me as an audible voice Jesus is all. At that moment I felt peace. The inner turmoil was gone. “ Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you..”
No one had witnessed to me and told me about Jesus being our Saviour. While I was searching for God it was the holy Spirit who told me about Jesus. And this is scriptural: “Howbeit when He, the Spirit of truth is come, He will guide you into all truth: for He shall not speak of Himself… He shall glorify me: for He shall receive of mine, and shall show it unto you.” Jn.16: 14-15.
No one told me to read the epistles, but as I read it I came across the verse- “ Christ is all, and in all,” Collosians 3:11, confirming the words I had heard- Jesus is all.
After I was saved I started going to a Pentecostal church and was soon baptised with others by full immersion in the nearby sea! It wasn’t the Jordan river but close! Today I have water from the Jordan in a little bottle, while my great grandparents had water from the Ganges river in a huge glass jar. We are water collectors, but only Jesus is the water of life, the river of living waters. Sorry, I went off on a tributary!
Amazingly, four months before I was saved, and when I was sitting in the auditorium of the Teachers’ Training College, on the first day of the second term, I “heard” the words behind me saying: Go to England and do nursing. This is scriptural: “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” Isa. 30: 21.
You may ask, how can God lead you before He has saved you? St. Augustine wrote: You could not have sought Me unless you had already found Me.” I had been seeking God for seven years and found Him in His creation, and I would say that as far as God was concerned I was already saved, and He knew that within four months I would definitely be saved. (t.b.c.)

Five months after I was saved I left home to do nursing in England as the Lord had led me to do. I did not have time to be grounded in the Word, and as I never went to a spirit filled church for twenty years after conversion, I was a backslider although I did read my bible for which I had the grace of God to go out and buy.

     Then, when I was working in the Middle East I came to the point where I said, Father, I feel so far away from home; I was talking about my spiritual home, far away from God Himself. So I resigned and decided to go to Tulsa, OK, USA for a holiday, hoping that in that Christian environment at ORU something good would happen to me.

      On my way to the airport I came to realise that I might be late and decided that I was not going to go all the way to the airport and find I was right. So I came back and made another booking for this holiday. The earliest was one week away so I had no choice but to wait. And when I did get there and was checking in, I saw a leaflet mentioning a Word Explosion conference at ORU. Had I travelled a week before, I would have missed this conference.

        At the conference there was an alter call for recommitting your life to God and I went forward. But when I returned home it was business as usual. I still did not belong to a church and I was not looking for one. Then one day, about eight months later I suddenly sensed the presence of God, or an angel in my room. He was just under the ceiling on the right side of the room. I did not hear a voice, but the words were strong within me- Are you going to do My will? Are you going to obey Me?- I just knelt down and cried. Needless to say I started looking for a church, and found one in the yellow pages!

 The first time I went there was a word- somebody has returned home like the prodigal son-  that was certainly me, because after 20 years since I was saved I was now in a spirit-filled church. I went to two or three other churches after that where I learnt something new after all those wasted years.

     Finally I was led to where I am now and God has been working in the last eight years I have been there. I have been set free from all kinds of bondages and bad habits which are bondages in themselves; from a negative mindset, and He is not finished with me yet. But He is continuing to be faithful to keep the Word I had received soon after joining this church- God is going to do great things in you, and through you-.  (t.b.c.)

      God is a God of variety. Everybody’s journey is different; some are longer, some are more harrowing, others’ faith is on trial more, but God knows it does not matter because He does not give us more than we can bear, although it never seems so at the time. Also, He is with us through it all, giving us the grace to endure, persevere and to get the victory; and He has written the end from the beginning.  He either plans or permits the journey, and the end, as it was for Job. And we have to know this and press in and press on no matter how difficult it may be.

      The process is a purging and refining process, and to grow more into the likeness of Christ and realise that nothing matters more than our relationship with Him. This is where our faith is put on trial and we must never give up. We have the example of Joseph, Job, David, Abraham to name a few people in the bible. It’s not over till it’s over, and it’s not over yet! The best is yet to come. Jesus has saved the best for last.

       Thank God I understand this during the journey and not just in hindsight. Otherwise it would be unbearable and very frustrating, to say the least. “… we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” Col.1:9

(next time - My Freedom From Anger, Rage and Swearing.)