I have been a christian for decades, but it  is only in the last five years I have been set free from anger, rage and swearing.

 It has been a rough, horrendous and sometimes frightening journey. But praise God, He has set me free. It is not that I have learned to control my anger, or that I have learnt anger management, ( this is only putting a plaster on a gaping wound), but I have been set free! Glory to God!

I used to get in a rage and swear when I was looking for things, or I was trying to do something  and it did not work. I always got angry waiting in a queue, and sometimes I would slam my bag down  in the ticket queue. At one time I shouted in the queue and then I was immediately shocked and ashamed that I was behaving like that.

Once I was waiting for the train after 10pm, changing from one to the next on my journey from work. It was dark of course at that time, and very cold. After what I thought were confusing announcements I was just about to board a train when the doors closed and the train pulled off. That was too much so I kickd the side of the train as it was pulling away! Today that will be called unsocial behaviour and I might have to pay some price for that!

But God is merciful. I discovered that train was going in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go. Had I boarded the train I would have gone out into the night to some undesirable destination when it was already so late at night! All things work together for good… .

I tried to get help from different sources. I prayed. I asked pastors to pray for me and they did, one to one, all of no avail. I bought tapes teaching about anger; no help. I wrote to a pastor asking for help, and I got a reply inviting me to join their church because it was not good that I should be like I was.

The worst part was that when I prayed to the Holy Spirit to help me that day before I went to work, things were worse that day. It was frightening.  What can you do after praying and things get worse, and nobody else can help you. Well, God always has a way when there seems to be no way!

I could only say that God led me to a book on thoughts. As I read I realised that I had a negative mindset, a negative view of life, people, the world and of myself.  I had to repent of a lot of things.

I was a passive aggressive type, but I chose peace because I did not want to rock the boat or make a scene. To express anger openly seemed too hateful and humiliating. Just keep it in; stuff it down like a raging storm or swirling cauldron inside. This is very dangerous and self-destructive. You erupt like a volcano suddenly and what to others may seem inappropriately. Also, suppressing anger can affect one’s health leading to high blood pressure, stress and most illnesses are said to be stress related, including cancer.

             I was led to a book  which was all about our thoughts. Our thoughts shape our world. What we think, how we think, is what we get, what comes to us , what happens to us. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”    Proverbs.

When I learnt about renewing my mind, all the negative thought patterns and wrong beliefs in my mind,  and line up thoughts and beliefs with the word of God, Rm.12:2,  I repented of having a negative mind-set, thinking  negative things about myself and having negative expectations about everything. 

Although I had started before to make positive confessions based on God’s word, I was really building on this negative foundation, therefore there was no good result; my confessions were unproductive.

  Years before, I had repented many times of anger towards my father, unforgiveness and death wish. The only good that came out of that, and it was worth it, was that I was no longer angry with my father. I felt compassion towards him, and realised that he could not give us what he himself  had never received from his parents, emotionally speaking.

When I realised how negative I was and repented of having a negative mind-set, I started to retch and cry over and over for some time. It was my moment  of deliverance from this spirit of negativity.

Now  I do not get angry  or swear or get in a rage. Impatience and irritation I may still have but that is expected; we are not perfected until we see Jesus face to face!

Another thing I had to repent of was anger with myself, and anger towards my father. This was probably the tap root of my anger. (t

The root of the anger we express in different ways is not in tyhe thing itself, the incident of the present moment,but the root is in the past -anger with father or mother or both, with life, with other people, relatives,, inlaws, , with all in authority, with the world, with oursrelves and even with God. We have to truly repent of all and forgive them.

I still get irritated sometimes in queues, but this is a far cry from from the demonic trio of anger, rage and swearing from which I was delivered.

 That has  been a journey by itself, but God knew the end from the beginning.

And it has been a blessed end. Praise God!